The Pain He Feels
by buddygirl1004
Summary: Basically Snapes Pain as he watches Lily and Potter date. MAJOR LEXJP anti LEXSS may like this one depending on how you look at it. its our first fic so please be nice!


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter (that would be J.K. Rowling) and I don't own the other characters mentioned (they belong to RedHal)!

Editor's Note: YO! This is the one formally known as The-Great-M, and I am pleased to beta this amazing story for you! FYI- I edited the hell out of this for Authoress-chan, so if there are any remaining mistakes, blame me, kthnx!

**Chapter 1: Pain**

One thing was clearer than the cheap Butterbeer resting in my palm- she has changed. It was the first time I remember her going back on her word. She said that she'd never love him, his actions, or the disgusting way he treated me all of these years. Well, she was wrong. I took a swig of the watered down drink, recalling the thousands of times he had asked her on a Hogsmeade date before. As she screamed objections at his paling, frightened face, I had grown confident that the smug idiot would never have my girl. Still, things never seem to go the way I plan.

Earlier in the day, as I left Potions class, I noticed Lily talking to her friends Melissa, Sarah, and Spica. They were giggling about god knows what, but I had suspicions it wasn't about the Potions test I had recently aced. I guessed that her friends were laughing about another 'Potter-is-such-a-git-he's-so-worthless-I'd-rather-date-the-giant-squid' rant again. Speak (or think) of the devil, Potter appeared right behind her for round ten million of 'Let's Ask Lily to Hogsmeade'. I expected the usual Evans-rant and scolding, but instead, she broke my heart. She smiled shyly at Potter, kissed his check, and winked and walked off with her girlfriends as if nothing had ever been wrong between them.

I was struck cold. What the hell? I watched like a statue as Potter returned to his annoying groupies for congratulations and high-fives. I wanted to run away like a madman, and Potter seemed to read my mind and turned to me. And he smiled. He SMILED at me and laughed. My chest wouldn't stop heaving in confusion and anger, and the large stack of books I had been carrying had dropped to the floor. The quickly forming crowd only laughed harder as I bent to collect my textbooks, and hurriedly tried to leave the scene. As I was about to turn the corner, I heard Potter exclaim louder than the crowd.

"Ha-ha! Stupid, stupefied Snivellus! Did you see his face? I'd hate to be the bloke who has to tell 'im it was a joke!" Another round of laughs started up as I walked even quicker to make it to Defense Against the Dark Arts in time.

I tried to clear my head of the furious thoughts the threatened to boil through my brain, but all I managed was to conjure the thought of Lily being in my next class also. Lily... Why? Why the hell would she pull something like that on me? Why the hell would she agree to go out with HIM of all people? _But_, the nice side of my conscious chided, it _was only a harmless joke, after all! _Yes, it _was_ only a joke, a joke that almost killed me on the spot. I breathed slowly through my nose as I finally reached the door to the DADA classroom. Someone had some explaining to do...

I took a seat directly behind Lily, who was currently surrounded by giggling girls who had either witnessed the scene or who just heard if it. Our teacher called the class to order, and any students left standing rushed to find a seat. He said for us to read the next chapter in our textbooks and take notes before retiring to his office. As students began to crack their books and whisper quietly, I decided it was the perfect time to start questioning Lily.

"Hey... Lily." I said loud enough to get her attention but not enough for others to overhear. She turned around in her seat and gave me a pleased look that _really_ accentuated her beautiful green eyes.

"Hey Sev'. What's up?" She said as I smirked at the usage of the nickname. Only she ever calls me that, and only she ever will. I almost forgave her, but then the anger boiled back up. I took a breath about to scream 'what the hell was all that with Potter?', but I caught my self just as I opened my mouth.

"Wha- I mean, are... are you really going to Hogsmeade with Potter?" I asked as calmly as I could.

"Why do you want to know?" Lily said scrunching her eyebrows in a way that made her look both disappointed and worried at the same time.

"Well, I thought that you didn't look all that serious about it." I lied. "I mean, knowing you, you'd just say yes, take him out, and dump the idiot him before the whole school. It's not like you haven't done it before, and this time Potter really _deserves_ it... That worthless piece of trash has been bothering you for to long and the git needs to learn-"

Apparently, something I said flipped an invisible switch in Lily's temper, for she shot up with eyes full of rage and leaned over my desk, glaring at me. Others in the room began to quiet down and looking our way, perhaps in general interest or for an excuse not to work. Lily stood over me breathing heavily, which usually happens before that imbecile Potter-

"How can you stand to be so inconsiderate of his feelings? How could you ever think I'd do that to James?" She all but screamed in my face. I should have been shivering at the wrath-soaked words, but only one word pierced my façade- She called him _James_. "For your information, I actually like James! Ugh... you... do you know how _long_ I've put up with your whining about him? I actually got the chance to know him over the summer and let me tell you.

"He is the sweetest, most considerate, kind, amazing, smart, PERFECT boy I've ever met! ...I've always had a crush on him. Since first year, I tried to return his looks behind. Your. Back. You know why? You can't get it past that thick skull of yours that he can have the capacity of being _good_!

"I've put up with your constant bickering so long now, Severus. And, just... he's never once done any of the 'bad' things you rant about when I'm around. I'm finding it really hard to trust you. Why? Have you ever seen James call ME a mudblood? Have you ever seen him ignore ME for Potions homework? Has he ever been anything BUT polite to me?

"I've never once seen him act uncivilized or unkindly towards me like YOU have. Just... a MUDBLOOD, Severus! Don't you remember ever saying that to me? Do you know how much that word hurts or how much it angers me to hear you nit-pick every little flaw James has when yours are so glaringly obvious?" she said nearly in tears. Her friend Mel put a hand on her shoulder, silently beckoning her to sit down.

The class was absolutely silent, eyes wide and glancing between the two of us. I didn't notice of course. I was blinded with fury. How dare she call me out on such minimal things where Potter has made my life miserable?

"Lily..." I started dangerously.

"Oh, don't you DARE 'Lily' ME! You're in no position to 'protect' me or whatever the hell you think you are doing. I have a mother do that, thanks. I just... I can't believe that I thought you were nice, and not the slick git everyone says you are. I was wrong. Six years I have wasted my breath defending you! Six years I have been making a fool out of myself! Six years, Severus! You know, maybe Petunia was right. Maybe I should NEVER have trusted you." She finished with a hiss.

At that moment, our DADA teacher finally came back to the room with something in his hand that was being polished with care.

"Is there a problem, Miss Evans?" He called from the mini-staircase leading down from his office.

"Yes, I think," She stammered, "that I need to go to the Hospital Wing. Killer headache."

"Well then, be on your way." He dismissed her with a wave of his hand and turned to the blackboard to scribble notes down for today's lecture. Lily grabbed her books with little care and walked from the room. As the door closed, every eye in the room turned... to me.

The memory ended almost as soon as it begun and I gripped the frosted glass tighter in my hand. I was sitting alone in the Three Broomsticks watching as Lily and Potter began to snog in clear sight of anyone who cared to look. I realized then with a silent sigh how right Lily was. I disregarded the feeling of the girl who ever looked my way, and I ended up losing her forever.

Red, white, and pink flowers magically began falling over the kissing couple, each engraved with the saying 'Together Forever'. A banner unfolded over their heads that also read the phrase. I looked around and found Potter's lackeys giggling with wands pointed at the phenomenon, summoning endless streams of the annoyingly bright flowers. I sighed audibly this time and downed the rest of the Butterbeer in my glass. With a final look at my lost love, I left.

I paid the barkeep and headed to an establishment not far from the Hog's Head, but twice as ominous. A fellow Slytherin whispered to me after the DADA fiasco that there was to be a secret meeting for potential follows of Voldemort to join the ranks of Death Eaters. I was going, of course. I couldn't stand the forming, and the Dark Lord would give my life a new direction, a fresh start. It could end in the happiness that others so dearly wanted.

I, Severus Snape, vowed to do everything within my power to reach a single goal. The door opened and I stepped into the Death Eaters' hideout.

Everyone who ever hurt me- made me feel pain... I will make their lives miserable.

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